If your friend recently lost weight, you may want to tell her how wonderful she is. Maybe you want you to have her body and her self-control, or she asks her how she did it. Perhaps you have been the recipient of such “praises” in the past.
While such comments are meaningful, they can have unintended adverse effects.
“In that case, we unintentionally aggravate or affirm the thin ideals that our society emphasizes and tends to idolize,” eating disorders and body images. “You need to be very careful when talking about someone’s appearance, especially your weight.”
This is especially important when talking to people with eating disorders or serious body image problems. Because such statements can exacerbate their situation. According to Tran, compliments about someone’s weight loss and lean body perpetuate the deep-rooted dietary culture of society, and leanness is inherently good.
Tamara Pryor, Senior Fellow and Research Director of ED Care for the Treatment of Eating Disorders, said: A center based in Denver. “We have large people with malnutrition, people with very small sizes of malnutrition, and people of standard size but at great risk of eating disorders. People can’t see them, tell me that. “
But if you’re happy or surprised at what someone looks like, shouldn’t you praise them at all? Isn’t it okay to say anything? CNN sought advice from Pryor and Joann Hendelman, clinical director of the National Alliance for Eating Disorders.
The following conversation has been lightly edited for length and clarity.
CNN: Why is it a problem to compliment someone else’s weight loss or weight loss?
Tamara Prior: It’s annoying. Whose job is it for us to make decisions, especially to express it verbally? We may make decisions by looking at people, but we need to keep that in ourselves. I’m from the second wave of the feminist movement. It was “my body, my business”. That is still the case.
CNN: How do the recipients feel?
Prior: When someone said to me, “Oh, it looks good. I lost weight,” I thought, “What did you think of me in advance? Didn’t you accept it?” I could imagine the pressure that recipients would feel to maintain a lower weight or lose more weight and receive more praise and acceptance. They may ask, “What about the essence of me and who I am as a human being?” There are both permanent physical and significant psychological consequences.
Joan Handelman: If you don’t receive the compliment, you’ll say, “I have something wrong. I’m not enough.”
CNN: What should people consider when they want to admire someone’s thin look?
Prior: Appearance questions tend to be triggering, and for people with eating disorders, they are more sensitive because they are very sensitive to how they are judged based on their body shape and size.
My patient and her mother went to a clothing store. She is very light and has anorexia and has just begun treatment. When she was in the dressing room and saw her daughter trying to put on her clothes, she understood how extreme her weight loss was, so her mom gasped. A clerk comes in to hear her mom say, “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know she lost weight. Thank you for her treatment now.”
The clerk said, “You’re kidding? You’re so thin and you die. How did you do that?” So the patient has this mixed and contradictory reaction: she can feel the very real concerns of her mother, but on the other hand she is complimented.
Handelman: I have known and worked with people who have cancer or other reasons for their small body. For them, compliments are very unpleasant because they know they have this horrific illness, yet people praise them for this weight loss that gives them everything they don’t have.
CNN: What can people say instead?
Prior: Find a way to engage that does not include a commentary on their body.
If someone needs to lose weight for health reasons, it’s not best to praise them for their tenacity to reach that goal. Because it’s like, “Oh boy, what if I fail or lose weight?” It feels like a lot of pressure. Instead, if someone proposes a recent weight loss, ask how you feel about the weight loss or what caused it, rather than making your own judgment.
Handelman: Compliment what they are wearing or say, “Your eyes are very bright today.” If my friends are still tied up to be thin to get compliments and say how great it is, I support their focus on body size and make them unhappy.
CNN: How can people stop recognizing weight loss and weight loss as ideal and inherently good?
Prior: Think about what it means to be healthy and what your body can do for you, such as getting the nutrients you need and building strength.
Handelman: If our body takes us from this position to the next, and if we can all accept what the contents are, not the appearance of our body, then our body It’s amazing how much can be returned to us.
It is important to accept who we are and our uniqueness. We must accept genetics. The more we can accept our body, the healthier we can be. Believe that our body knows best.
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