Dear Miss Manor: I’m a fitness instructor and have about 30 customers in each class. The new gentleman who accompanies one of my classmates has a terrible body odor. He looks like he’s taking a shower, but I think he’ll never wash his clothes because he wears the same clothes every time I see him. When he last came to class, the room was quite full and everyone around him was horrified by the smell.
He is definitely unaware. If I speak to him directly, he will probably never come back, and I want to continue his business. The same problem may occur in fitness classes across the country.
Is there a gentle and solid way to get close to him and let him know that anyone can smell him? How can I fix this?
Gentle Leader: Miss Manor can rarely unhook a Gentle Leader by throwing a problem at someone else. In this case, she is happy to relieve you of some annoyance by telling you to give it to you: tell your cousin about this issue-carefully and sympathetically.
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Dear Miss Manor: Evening news is often about death and murder. I find it very unpleasant when a local reporter pushes the microphone in front of a deceased relative for a “story”. They will do this to anyone who will speak, even young children.
This tactic is immoral and is adjacent to abuse. The people being interviewed are in shock and there is no way to stop the reporter. What can we do to eliminate them? Do I need to report to the authorities? It’s ruthless.
Gentle Leader: As a journalist, Miss Manor can be expected to stand by the reporter. She cannot understand the naivety of those who believe that the world will be a better place if bad news is simply not reported.
But she completely agrees with you. She has never seen anything of press value that comes from the pathetic sight of a new public sorrow for her bereaved family, not to mention useful for society.
The murderers were so impressed with the damage they did that they wouldn’t go forward to confess. A potential murderer is not stopped by the possibility of collateral damage to the victim’s relatives.
Yes, families often become eloquent defenders of justice, hoping to turn their grief into activism and prevent others from suffering to do so. And it’s fine.
But that should be their choice. And the moment their lives are shattered is not the time to ask them to make it.
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Dear Miss Manor: After years of wanting to be graceful, my husband and I decided to limit our relationship with my mother as much as possible. This is to protect the feelings of my son and myself.
Is there a polite way to explain alienation to others without providing details? I don’t want to look down on my mother or me with this information. Simply to answer inquiries about our relationship honestly.
GENTLE READER: You don’t need to provide this information, just answer the question. Miss Manners suggests, “We are not in close contact, but I am confident she is looking forward to hearing from you.”
(Questions should be sent to her website at www.missmanners.com, email dearmissmanners@gmail.com, or by mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO64106.)
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Copyright 2022 JUDITH MARTIN
Distributed by ANDREWSMCMEEL syndication
1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106; 816-581-7500
