How to set healthy boundaries in your relationship

Voicing your needs to your partner when you know they are not satisfied can be a daunting task.

If you know conflict is right on the heels of the words “I need a little more alone time each week” or “I don’t want to be intimate every day,” that impending friction scares you to say. Enough to scare… them.

But when communicated with compassion and honesty, boundaries can actually strengthen relationships, says Lisa Bobby, psychologist and clinical director of Growing Self-Counseling & Coaching in Denver, Colorado. It also helps reduce anxiety.

Boundaries aren’t about telling your partner what you need to do or change, she says, but vocalizing what you’re going to do for your own health. .

“You set limits for yourself,” she says. We are telling people that we will not tolerate

Here’s why and how to set boundaries so hard.

If you have a partner, you may feel responsible for your partner’s happiness. This is what you need to learn, says Bobby.

“Setting healthy boundaries is about moving away from the idea that you need to manage other people’s emotions,” says Bobby. It’s about having them take care of you emotionally.”

This doesn’t mean you won’t encounter backlash, she says.

“That’s why it’s so hard for people to set healthy boundaries. This self-imposed obligation should make other people feel good and happy,” she said. “If you want to set healthy boundaries for yourself, it’s not always compatible with making other people feel good.”

Also, if you’re in the “system” with someone who isn’t in a healthy place, you should expect the “system to protest.”

For example, a partner who drinks heavily to deal with stress and expects you to be with them will try to make you feel guilty every time you have a bad day, despite your preferences. Just know that this can happen – and you can say no.

“The system tries to drag you to an unhealthy place,” she says. “You don’t have to participate, but please look forward to it.”

Your boundaries are about your own actions, so voicing them should focus on what you’re trying to do. But if you find it beneficial to have one-on-one time with your social group, you can say:

“I understand that you want to participate, and sometimes I’d be happy to do so, but it’s important to me to have time alone with my friends, so I don’t invite you every time.”

You can also give it a little more context, she says. For example, if your partner wants you to reply to her text messages while you are at work, but you don’t want to, you can say:

“You hear that I like to text you back, but I find it hard to concentrate. I know. It makes me uneasy. While I’m at work.”

Acknowledge their feelings and let them know you care about them, but your health is also important, she says. please give me.

“People, especially women, really feel the need to protect themselves and can get a lot of backlash against setting healthy boundaries,” she says. It’s okay to say you can’t do that.